


Gone

by doodlez



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 08:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlez/pseuds/doodlez
Summary: Logically she knows she looks like him. People always said they were alike, even before she cut her hair, even before she exchanged the contacts for the round glasses. She sees it when she first chops her hair off, as it falls in chunks onto her shoulders before slipping to the ground. Her head feels lighter and she looks back at herself into the mirror. She looks like him and it’s sort of surreal. She pushes the thought away. The knowledge is there of course, especially after Shiro finally figures out who she is. She knows it, but doesn’t think too much about it, not until she’s made to.





	

Logically she knows she looks like him. People always said they were alike, even before she cut her hair, even before she exchanged the contacts for the round glasses. She sees it when she first chops her hair off, as it falls in chunks onto her shoulders before slipping to the ground. Her head feels lighter and she looks back at herself into the mirror. She looks like him and it’s sort of surreal. She pushes the thought away. The knowledge is there of course, especially after Shiro finally figures out who she is. She knows it, but doesn’t think too much about it, not until she’s made to. 

They’re going to a party of all things, they weren’t going stay for long but there’s an alliance to be found with these people. It seems less of a party and more like an old-fashioned ball if you ask her. She’s not  _not_ looking forward to it, there’s gonna be food and who knows what kind of technology she can come across once they’re inside the mansion. Hunk and Keith seem like they’d much rather go back to the castle and sleep for approximately four days and she can’t blame them. Allura and Lance are genuinely excited at least, so that’s something. 

“We need to get you appropriate attire,” the alien who has been tasked to take care of them says as their extra limbs move seemingly at random around them, “your suits, although dashing, will put people on edge.” The remark is completed by what can only be described as a wink towards Lance. Pidge rolls her eyes and Keith looks like he’s swallowed something sour when Lance looks towards Hunk and mouths a  _“Dude!”_  which gains him two thumbs up and a tired (and yet blinding) smile from the latter. “Just follow me.” The alien says and Pidge absentmindedly remarks that the alien’s limbs seem to follow a pattern after all. She might try to figure that out later. 

The clothes they receive are modeled the same, after they’ve gotten their own size there’s not really a difference between the outfits. They’re a simple pair of pants with a shirt that hangs low on their body. Not the most flattering of fashion choices but they thank the alien all the same as they’re left alone to change. 

“Tonight you’re all allowed to relax and enjoy yourself as long as you’re all on your best behavior. Be polite and please try to stay out of trouble.” Shiro finishes his short speech with sweeping his eyes over all of them. Pidge bites her lip to stop herself from saying something dumb (like “okay  _dad”_ for example). 

Allura steps forward to take over when she’s sure he’s done speaking, “I’m going to be speaking mainly to the people in charge of this place, I encourage all of you to make friends,” she can’t possibly miss the eyebrow waggle Lance sends Hunk’s way at her words but she seems to ignore it, “we’ll meet up again once the party if over, try to stay as long as you can but if you’re leaving let Shiro know. Now shoo!”

It doesn’t take very long to wander off from the others. She’s too tired to listen to Lance talk about finding that “gorgeous alien”, his words not hers, who was flirting with him (”She had  _seven_  extra limbs! On each side!” “All the better to cradle me with,  _Keith._ ”) and Hunk seems too tired to talk about anything remotely interesting. Keith is sulking, thanks for that Lance, so there’s no real fun in hanging out with any of them at the moment. So she wanders off. She’s not looking for anything in particular, she’s not really looking for anyone to make friends with despite what Allura seems to want. She takes a ball of something that looks like it resembles chocolate from a plate floating past her. She hears Lance laugh at something on the other side of the room so she automatically turns towards the noise. As she does she sees something out of the corner of her eye that makes her twist her head so fast she nearly gets wryneck in the direction of... it  _can’t_  be. 

It’s him. It’s Matt staring back at her, not ten meters away looking just as shocked as she feels. His eyes are wide open and- he looks so... young. 

It’s not him. It’s a fucking mirror is what it is. The realization rushes to her as quickly as the hope and pure happiness she had started to feel washes away, leaving her empty. She can’t look away, she’s frozen to the ground, staring at her own fucking reflection in the mirror. She doesn’t realize she’s about to start crying until she sees the tears roll down hi-  _her_ face and she feels the wetness on her cheeks. Distantly she hears someone say something. 

“-een paladin of Voltron? Are you alright?” Finally she manages to snap out of it and she forces herself to look away from the mirror. 

“Huh?”  _Nice. Very eloquent._

_“_ Are you alright? You seem upset. Do you need anything?” The alien is a stranger but they look concerned nonetheless. Pidge has barely had the time to register she’s being spoken to when they continue, “Do you need me to get one of the other paladins, your leader perhaps?” 

“Oh... no. No, I’m alright really, I just-” the second her voice comes back to her she’s fumbling, unable to find the words to explain, “I thought I... I got overwhelmed... I think I’m going to go...” she says and reaches up to wipe at her eyes. The alien buzzes nervously in response. 

“Are you sure I shouldn’t get someone for you?”

“Yes! Yes I’m sure, thank you. Thank you, I’m sorry I’ve gotta go.” She leaves before she has time to think about it, she just needs to get out of there before she starts crying again. She doesn’t even think about the clothes that are technically borrowed, or her suit that she’s left behind. Somewhere in the back of her mind a voice tells her that someone will take care of it, she just has to  _leave_.

She can’t remember how she got there but she’s in front of her lion before she knows it and it’s only once she’s been let in she allows herself to break down. She sobs and throws herself into the seat of her lion who whines at her actions. She can feel the concern prodding at her as she curls up where she’s seated. 

“Just leave me  _alone!_ ” she screams and then cries even harder as she feels her lions presence pull away from her. It’s only once she takes off her glasses and throws them somewhere as far away from her as she can with a frustrated sob that she feels a warmth enveloping her. She doesn’t push it away this time, only curls up on herself even tighter, her hands in her hair pulling harshly until she feels strands pulling off. It  _hurts,_ it hurts like everything else. Her throat feels like it’s closing up and there’s an ache in her chest and she knows that if Matt were here he would let her sit in his lap with his arms around her until she felt like she could breathe again. But he’s not here. 

He’s  _gone._

And it fucking hurts.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a tumblr post I made on my Voltron side-blog and the thought wouldn't leave me until I wrote it. 
> 
> I might write a second part to it if I feel inspired/if people want me to but it works as a stand-alone piece so I'm not promising anything! 
> 
> Any criticism and comments are more than welcome!


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